Al Gore Admits Global Warming Theory Based on Progressively Warmer Family Vacations

algoreadmits
via tpnn.com

WASHINGTON DC. Al Gore, former vice president, inventor of the internet, founder and current chair of the Alliance for Climate Protection, admitted yesterday that his theory that the world is getting warmer every year may have been significantly influenced by increasingly warmer family vacations he took as a child between 1959 and 1970.

Our first vacation was to Quebec in 1959, “I was just a boy. It was so cold. I honestly don’t remember much except that it was cold and everyone talked funny.”

“The next year we went to Washington, the state. It was still pretty cold but there were a few days I remember not wearing a coat. I was glad we weren’t going back to Quebec.”

In 1962 the Gore family travelled to Virginia to visit Al Jr.’s grandfather Reginald. “I remember playing with my cousin wearing a light jacket and at times even taking off the jacket for several minutes. I thought: what’s going on here? On the car ride home I couldn’t shake the feeling that something strange was afoot; something true, something not convenient. I didn’t know until years later what it was.”

Beginning with the family vacation to Quebec in 1959, Gore Jr. and his family subsequently vacationed in Washington, Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Florida, The Bahamas, Jamaica, and finally Ethiopia.

“While sitting on a dusty patch of asphalt in Ethiopia, breathing in diesel fumes and hot sunlight, I concluded that the world was on a very destructive path towards becoming uncomfortably hot. I also observed that in addition to becoming gradually sweatier as time went on, I was also getting slightly taller, and older. As I wrestled with the particulars of these strange phenomena, I tossed out Global Lengthening and Global Aging, concluding that they were influenced mainly by non-environmental factors. I decided to set my sights on Global Warming and how it could be stopped.”

It was on this same patch of asphalt, under a ruthless Ethiopian sun, that a nearly nude Al Gore hashed out possible names for his book. Before settling on An Inconvenient Truth, Gore considered such titles as A Sweaty Principle, A Sweltering Fact, and A Blistering Certainty.  “They just didn’t seem to capture the urgency of what I was trying to convey. After hours of pondering and crumpling papers which immediately burst into flames, I finally settled on An Inconvenient Truth.”

While flipping through old family photos recently, Gore was hit by a stunning realization. “I remembered how Dad used to control everything; the family vacations we took, the thermostat, the weather. Wait a second I thought, this doesn’t make sense. It was then that I decided to do what every man tormented by the burden of genius would do; I made an evidence wall.”

 

Mapping out his families yearly vacations since 1959, Al Gore deduced that his global warming theory was based almost entirely on yearly family vacations in progressively warmer locations.
Mapping out his family’s yearly vacations since 1959, Al Gore deduced that his global warming theory was based almost entirely on traveling to progressively warmer locations.

 

After connecting the dots, Gore was faced with the realization that his Inconvenient Truth was no longer true. “This is really inconvenient,” said Gore, “for me, for the producers of my film, for my personal website, and especially for me, Al Gore.”

 

 

 

 

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