Surgeons Remove Extinct Snail From Larynx of Creed Vocalist Scott Stapp

d8005d470d78bc4da7b750892d316e4b-scott-stapp-endorses-mitt-romneyWell, we just heard the news today, it seems Creed’s voice is gonna change. Scott Stapp, frontman for the alternative rock band Creed has undergone corrective surgery on his vocal cords. In July of this year Stapp was being examined as part of a routine checkup when it was discovered that he had numerous small abrasions and contusions on his larynx.

When pressed by doctors for possible causes of the abrasions, Stapp admits, “When I was little I used to eat sand and gravel…on the playground, at the beach, wherever. It was delicious.” He laughs and adds somewhat more somberly, “Had I known it was damaging my larynx, I may not have– you know– eaten as much as I did. I ate a lot.”

Otolaryngologist Mark Akron was called in to conduct a full examination. “In order to more closely examine the abrasions, a speculum had to be inserted into his trachea. We wanted to probe around for anything abnormal, you know, anything that shouldn’t be there. We immediately noticed there was about 70% blockage of his larynx from the epiglottis to the cricotracheal ligament.”

Together with a team of specialists, Dr. Akron proceeded to remove from Stapp’s larynx 14 ounces worth of sand, sedimentary rock, marbles, tiddlywinks, a pair of dice, a watch battery, 2 chicken bones, a cluster of barnacles, and a snail previously thought to be extinct.

“All of these objects were severely obstructing his larynx and if not removed could have caused total blockage and possible respiratory issues,” says Dr. Akron. With the steady buildup of objects in Stapp’s larynx since childhood, it is estimated that by the year 2016 his lyrics would have become completely unintelligible.

scottsnail

The discovery of the snail, identified as the Rhachistia Aldabrae, has provoked a flurry of media attention as well as outrage from the environmental community, who demand to know how a previously extinct snail native to the Seychelles found its way into Stapp’s larynx. “Dr. Justin Gerlach, scientific coordinator of the Nature Protection Trust of Seychelles reported in 2007 that the snail had gone extinct a decade earlier because of climate change.” Paul Rodgers, Forbes

Stapp claims he’s never been to Seychelles and doesn’t remember having swallowed the snail. “I’ve never been to Seychelles. I don’t remember having swallowed the snail,” he stated. “I’d like to keep it if I could. Raise it. Teach it. We [Creed] are looking for a 5th member.” Nature Protection Trust of Seychelles is seeking full custody of the snail and will likely prevail if the matter goes to court.

2 weeks after surgery, Stapp is belting out clear, glass-shattering vocals a full octave higher than his former range. Although no tour dates are set for this year he has performed several small shows for friends and family and is currently working on a new album with James Blunt, slated for release in early 2015. 

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